Disclaimer: I am not an expert. I have not been initiated into any age-long traditions but I picked up few things here and there from open workshops. I can only really talk about my own experiences and perspectives on them. By all means, think of your safety first. Breathe and don't fear too hard but don't break down all boundaries too soon either.
Who is this?
Knowing what spirits are is a tricky thing. We talk of tricksters but this can be the nature of the unknown. We want rules and categories like we find in fantasy novels and yet when we enter spirituality we find truths and rules shift around them like a murmur of birds in the wind. Yet spirits want us to see them and understand them so sometimes the rules or categories we create are made to work despite not being the whole truth sometimes. Even the truth can be buried in a lie. What this all is and what it all means? I haven't a clue but I found ways with them to make things a little easier and make sure love is strong and healthy.
So you want to venerate the gods or talk to some spirits like Loki.
I would write an altar and offering guide but this has already been written by countless others. What I want to talk about is what happens next. You have your altar and your first offerings but what next? How, why and for what purpose do we connect and venerate gods? Why do we form bonds with them.
Like anything worth anything in life, it takes time. A seed doesn’t become fully grown in the second you plant it. You have to carefully take care of it and make sure it can grow in the best environment.
Often what you grow might not look the same as other people's seed, they grow in different sizes, colours and branches that stick out in different directions. For me, this is what chaos actually is. It's not evil or destruction, it's just chaos is the very natural aspect of many things existing and changing or being the same but different. When you gift a god an offering, it's the heart of what you give that's matters. A gift to a god is like a gift to a friend and packaged in it is love and intent to build a bond or show your bond in object form. You feed a god like you feed a loved one. This can be food or more emotional inspiration.
Loki
For me, Loki came into my life. I was not really someone at the time who was into believing in spirits. If i had a say in it, I kinda wish it wasn’t as dramatic as it was. If Loki has come into your life I can guarantee from my experience and from what I've seen others share. They’re loud and not subtle. They can often be going at a high speed. They might even show up in full Marvel Loki get-up. I don't think this is always entirely down to their limited symbolic options in our minds or what they find in your memory stored under ‘what Loki looks like’. I’ve even had vision of Loki dressed like Marvels Thors like they were going to a costume party despite knowing the alt looks. I think sometimes Loki enjoys the reaction when they do that. ‘You didn’t think a god would do such a thing do you? Aha well you’ve got a lot to learn about gods! We don't always act as you expect!’. Loki tries hard to be very friendly (given the lore they are up against) and sometimes this personality of theirs can scare more people off than the intent to be ‘I am friendly and not what you expected!’. The Loki version of 'Be not afraid'.
Building a bond with Loki is a great lesson in one of the key factors in gods or spirits. A firm hand on negotiation. My first conflict with Loki (and spirits in general) was they wanted to be friends. An expectation of a certain level of trust and openness comes from friendship in my opinion. As someone who was bullied by people as a child I thought were friends, this was hard. As a Queer person who has to navigate a world where people can turn on me for no reason, it is hard to give out my trust so freely.
If a spirit approaches you they might want something before you even approached them for a bond or negotiation. In another weird experience I had like this. A spirit in my garden asked for water bucket to be re-filled over several dreams because that's what they lived in and wanted. Water. Sometimes they want something mundane. TV shows and films always go for the ‘they want your souls’ but often cases they’re hungry, bored, or need something in the physical world touched up for them. They are part of our ecology and cannot sometimes interact in it like we can. While in other ways interact with the world in ways we cannot too. Sometimes they need to find people to trust as much as we need spirits to trust. They need to develop trust with us as much as we do with them. By filling that bucket of water no questions asked, did they learn more about me as a person as much as I was learning about them for the first time? Sometimes we have no choice but to form a bond due to how close we are in where we live. A peaceful bond is better with neighbours. A bond doesn't have to be close ties, it can be as said before. Neighbours.
Yet what do you do and what does it mean when a god wants more than water. What if they are seeking friendship, to adopt you as family, or to marry you? What if you put out the desire for these close bonds and something you didn’t expect answered your call and now you're getting nervous. We start to wonder what do these bonds really mean and are they real? What risks we are getting ourselves into with the invisible?
On the nature on Bonds.
We say gold or diamonds, wealth and power are the most important or biggest things in life. We’d not question if Odin asked for gold coins. But I see people mocked or stigmatised to mentioning Odin only wanted their friendship with kind words over wealthy offerings. When what is more precious than gold than another's trust, love and care? Gold can be melted down or only has the short term purpose to be spent and sold away. A friendship is meant to be cared for and cherished for as long as you live if done right. A friendship built on kind words and poems lasts and is worth more than any piles of treasure that erode with time. Most humans and animals, anything with a sense of self has social bonds and love. So why wouldn’t the gods? If they reach out to us there must be more to it than asking for a cup of sugar or an offering.
The question can be is loneiness for the spirit still felt as much as for living people? Do they also have the desire to expand their community?
We know from ancient poetry from early medieval english period. How being without kin and songs of the mead hall was written which immense pain.
“Therefore one knows who long forgoes
the friendly words of their first,
when sleep and sorrow stand together
clutching at the crestfallen alone.
Somehow seems that somewhere inside
this one enwraps his lord and kisses his lord,
and laps both hands and head
on his knee, when, once upon a year
blurry in time now, one thrived by the throne —
too soon rousing, a friendless singular
seeing all around a fallowness of waves,
sea-birds bathing, fanning their feathers,
ice and snow hurtling, heaved up with hail. (37-48)
“So heavy and heavier the hurt in heart
harrowing for the lost. Sorrow made new
whenever recalling pervades the mind,
greeting kindred joyfully, drinking in the look of them
fellowable and fathoming—” - The Wanderer
“When is it never a struggle, a torment,
this arc of misfortune, mine alone?
It started when my man up and left,
who knows where, from his tribe
across the sleeplessness of waves.
I conceived a care at the dawning of dawn:
where did that man of a man go?” - The Wifes Lament
So why wouldn’t the gods want company, love, and companionship like any living thing does? What's the point of living for what would be for centuries if you had no company or new people with fresh stories, joys, and insights to share? To share the load and hardships together to share a laugh together. If you live for eternity you need love to give you a reason to be around that long. If you live in our chaotic often hard world you know the value of someone making your day better with something new. This is the exchange. Being Queer our culture can be from the trauma of rejection, its why sometimes we are big on self care, jokes, found family and finding entertainment. It bandages the pain we get from rejection.
Yet you shouldn't run into it with open arms. As someone who has been bullied over the years people close to them. You really have to be careful who you let in close. However, horror movies try to teach this lesson a little too hard. While I do think there's bad intent and malicious spirits out there (as there are among humanity with fascism and slavers). I think in spiritual spaces people are too quick to call every spirit they don't get along with an ‘evil demon’. More so a spirit that doesn't do exactly every job or blessing they demand they call it 'evil' too. I’ll save this for another article (which will probably repeat the same lessons here).
However you should set some boundaries, trust should be earned even with the nicest spirits. You need to know what they want and who they are. Who you are and what you really need. You’ll need to work out what love means without abuse. Which sounds really cold but can be much warmer when we think of this bell hooks quote on relationships.
‘One of the best guides to how to be self-loving is to give ourselves the love we are often dreaming about receiving from others.' - Bell Hooks
Being hurt in the past has taught me lessons. I don't want to close of my heart. I have hope. When you learn what true love really means, and you know how to love your entire being. You will have a better time building relationships with people and spirits. Abuse will appear to you crystal clear because they often take advantage of our insecurities and gaslight us away from love by calling it ‘tough love’.
Early stages of building trust with Loki and others.
Learning to love yourself and dismantling the otherness and shame people place on that love. Knowing the signs you are walking on eggshells to appease others. Not accepting the hot and cold behaviours. Not chasing the carrot when the person you want to love hits you with a stick to control you for their wants. In love lives, someone who wants you to be their commitment partner when they don’t want the same expectations towards you. Where their love is optional and yours to them is demanded. In friendship and family, knowing when boundaries are optional to them and firm borders for you. Knowing your own insecurities and how they make you inflict pain on yourself and others. Beating the patriarchal thoughts that your gender and your love is a destiny and there’s only ‘one way’ to love.
Sometimes the gods like Loki help people through this early on. It is not only a good bond thing to help people who need to love themselves better. But also helps prevent biases and insecurities from messing up spiritual communication that is at a huge risk of miss interpretations.
I do worry for young Lokeans who call Lokis love ‘tough love’. Where they ask Loki to think for them or control their lives. That any criticism or they hear or feel about themselves from Loki is ‘love’. Or that any bad luck they go through is Loki ‘teaching them a lesson’.
Its dangerous.
Not only would Loki not want to burn out thinking for you or micromanaging your life and judging you. But it can set you up for abuse if you get in the bad habit of this with spirits you invite this thinking into your home and love life. It's not a surprise that fundamenalist christians preach this bond with god have risked entering abuse home lives because in fundamentalism you submit to god and the patriarch. Child abuse and domestic abuse. If you are leaving a christian life of being controlled like this for Loki. Make sure not to start seeing Loki as a cruel domination god. Where love is only given when you walk on eggshells and pain is handed out when you misstep with impossible ever-changing rules.
To bring up Bell Hooks again, in her book all about love she points out love and abuse cannot co-exist. This is why when you start out with a bond with any spirit you don't make it one where you or they have to be dominant abuser. It needs mutual love, Mutual aid, mutual trust, mutual survival.
I believe Loki and a lot of spirits have a hard time navigating building bonds with people who want to be overtly abused and controlled and also people who want to bind and control the gods to get what they want too.
Once again, trust goes both ways and as you seek to understand a spirit and know if they can trust you. Even Loki and other spirits are seeing how much they can understand and trust you. They hold great power and they know the responsibility of that and how it could be used and abused against them. Givers have limits because takers rarely do. If we believe the gods aren't all powerful and all knowing, it does mean they are also being careful with us. If we understand fundamentalism in religion can destory a the reputation of a god that preaches peace, we can see how even the gods can be abused or misrepresented. Lokeanism is old but still fresh and ever changing. If we love Loki we do have responsibility and power as much as Loki has.
A lesson from Odin and the myths. The riddlers
We worry a lot about tricksters. Is this Loki really Loki? We can work so hard on finding the name we forget to look at what they are doing. Is Loki summerised by their name or are they better understood by their actions and what they know?
Instead of asking ‘who are you’ in most myths anyone in disguise or with bad motivations, they are revealed by answering riddles or how they solve problems.
I find with friendships that went sour. The person was not acting like who they said they were (a nice friend). They borrow something from you and promise to give it back. Then they do something worse with it. Sometimes it takes times and observation. No strategy or clever tricky. Keep your eyes open and take your time with your new pal. Sometimes with friendship its how they make you feel.
Who would you trust?
A Loki who lowered your self-esteem, made you fearful of them, and demanded you hurt people to ‘get wishes granted’. Or ‘if you loved or trusted me you’d do it without doubting me’. Or ‘If you don't hurt them, i’ll hurt you instead.’. If they had excuses for causing you pain and put all the blame onto you for their bad actions.
OR
A Loki who at your highest and lowest points made you feel cared for, made you excited to hear from them, who while maybe couldn't give you what you wanted still gave you wisdom for you to help yourself. Who let you say no or challenge them when something felt off. Who heard your anger and pain if they did harm to you in error.
Important part to the above is trusting you have free will with spirits they cannot touch.
Would you want to be the person who claimed ‘possessed’ and had no choice but to harm others when told to.
Would you want to be the person who misses the signs when the code is switched.
Do you want to be the person who never says no and never challenges people who are harming you and others?
You have free will. You can say no to Loki. Would Loki want to trust someone who hurts others without question if they think 'Loki told them to do it?' Sit down and think, is this bond I'm building keeping me being the person who I want to be and what others hope I am? Can i trust them and can they trust me?
Does the spirit help you feel the love in the world, love yourself, love them. Love being alive? Do they help you cope with fear in life than be the cause of the fear for others and yourself?
Riddles and promises.
Start of every relationship is a negotiation, setting of boundaries, and conversation to understand each other more. We can do this by asking questions, checking on feelings, and playing games and seeing if people play fairly with our boundaries.
With any spirit even Loki. You can set boundaries and challenge them if they overstep them. I've argued with Loki and often I learnt for the first time what it means to be heard and understood. When I point out how someone has hurt me or overstepped in real life you feel and get hit by their doubt and excuses. Or worse told ‘you’re the problem’ for being upset when someone hurts you. With Loki they listen to you.
Set Loki realistic expectations and minor ones that don’t harm you. I wouldn't let Loki on the first day control my fate and fortune. Maybe we start small like I don't want action I want advice. What would you do Loki? Then use critical thinking to judge what was suggested.
Think long and hard about this. Cunning isn’t always quick-witted. You might want to spend time thinking over what to ask Loki to do or show you to help understand how Loki operates or thinks. I would argue there’s no set list of fool proof questions or asks to catch out wolves in sheeps clothing.
Setting boundaries with spirits can be easy, some are better at it than others. Loki can be hard to keep boundaries because they like to be everywhere and are curious. Yet, Loki knows I have limits and will cut them off even after decades of cultivating a close bond. They know this because they taught me how to do it. Holding Loki accountable helps Loki too. They want to be loved and care for those they love. They need to be told what will risk that love for each individual rather than guessing. Sometimes Loki has told me how it can happen before I think of it and tell me the times I overlooked a risk or missing boundary. Loki could’ve kept that secret and used it against me but knew it builds a healthy bond to share this.
When Loki has gotten into a frenzy of hyper activity and sacred me, they have stepped back before even being told to by me. They have shown respect and clarity without needing to be told. They know when to say sorry and how to reconcile. This has taken both us of careful negotiation and conversations so we understand each other. Like with many things consent isn't one conversation, it is repeated and checked on constantly. If we didn't do this I'd prob be a nokean and claim they’re the devil. Loki knows themselves and knows how to respect your boundaries when needed and knows when to spot the signs you are uncomfortable.
Going through this process, asking riddles to Loki, asking questions, negotiation of promises, helps build a healthy bond. You shouldn’t assume Loki will do this on their own. It can be a lesson in speaking up for yourself and sharing. When you know how you want to be loved, Loki will teach you how to speak up about it. I have seen how this has transformed my life. I used to be such a push over and quiet over bullying. I was way more depressed and felt living was pain. my interactions with Loki have made me better for my own sanity and safety. I love life more now due to Loki. Our communication has improved over time too due to this.
It's also a two way street. I can risk abusing Loki as a vending machine. Asking and demanding for them to do things for me for nothing. As much as I said ‘if you love me you’d do it’ as something a trickster might say to you. I could easily end up doing that myself if I intended to or not. I could not only ruin my bond with Loki but also become a person who abuses other bonds I have in life. Our personalities are not set in stone, at a knives edge we can become someone we used to hate or fear.
So you may find Loki asks you riddles, simple questions, plays games with you that reveal who you really are. Take note of how you answer and act and ask ‘wait do I want to be the person who thinks that?’ what are the consequences to thinking like that? Loki has also taught me, you can change too. There's few things I learnt about myself I faced and changed. In a way you also need to cultivate a healthy bond with yourself too.
So do some self care and read up on what love is and what healthy boundaires can be. If you can master this in life you can be safe in spirit life too. These two overlap and can teach the other.
Learn more about yourself.
Talk to Loki and set some boundaries and consequences.
Know when to challenge them and how to. Know when Loki needs you to slow down.
Learn more about to avoid hurting Loki and your bond with them
Keep checking and talking about consent and boundaries with Loki to make sure they are still going strong and healthy
Have fun playing riddle games and games that teach you more about each other. Gift friendship offerings and find ways to bring joy into each other existence.
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