I'm writing several posts currently and thinking about which one would be a good place to start. When calling this site a digital grove, it doesn't yet feel like a hearth and a home. This is an issue many online meeting points face. Are we a community or strangers with similar interests?
As much as we say the word 'community' often digital spaces can lack comfort some irl meets develop over time. So like with moving house or opening a sacred meeting spot, it is custom to invite spirits in who will help make a space feel like a home. So it felt right to open this site with a guide on how to invite in and connect to Queer ancestors first. The ones we're related to and the ones who are found, family. Those who shaped our fate by their actions and words in life. Connecting to them now means when we're stuck in harsh hateful environments, we can still feel connected to our community and support each other to a better fate.
I found all Norse gods (not only Loki) have been really supportive in my reaching out to our Queer ancestors, letting me come out as myself and ridding myself of internalized homophobia that's been doing harm for so long. If you're a Queer Lokean or part of any other tradition you're open to try this also.
Out of the poems I've written, they could be better despite hitting some notes I wanted. I may revisit this later but I would love to hear your poems too or any changes these rituals create.
To the Queer Ancestors in the family tree
Let’s face it. You’re not the first Queer person in your family tree and not the last. Homophobes like to act like we never exist and are 'anti-family,' we ARE a part of all families and we should never let ourselves be denied this. We should never let authoritarians control the definition of something so vital so they can exclude us or others from having a say. We should not act as if we've only started to exist now and accept we have always been here in our families and in every space outside of that. That we shouldn't shy away from ancestor veneration due to the family members who rejected us. That this type of veneration can help us belong where we do exist and where we should belong.
Overall, when we see the headlines about 'More people are coming out as Queer'. It’s a sign that the low numbers before were because of repression. The so-called ‘high’ number of Queer people could be the normal number that’s been denied to exist. This isn’t only about ancient history, your great or last-gen grandparents, uncles or aunties, cousins, parents, etc could be those who had their Queer self repressed.
Some may have found secret love in a 'roommate they lived with into old age', some may have never found love or able to love their Queer self, some may have been forced to marry those they never loved to avoid suspicion, some may have found comfort in secret places like Molly House, or had to be their true selves in secret while dealing with transphobia etc. You can be going through the same survival tactics. Or maybe now you're free of some of the pain they had. Either way, you can guide and heal each other and set a good ground for the next generation who can thrive better by the long life you lived. Related or unrelated.
So this first section is a call out to any relatives in the afterlife who are Queer and to help build the bond of the family together. A bond neither of you had a chance to have before. One that supports and cares for each other. I’d recommend gifting a card, food, drink, a song, or anything you’d wish you have from a supportive family. To gift to each other the family love in the tree that we are often denied.
I’m calling out to the family I always needed.
As I am not the first and I am not the last.
Queer relatives I know you are there,
And our heartache is too much to bare.
But we are family and our strength is vast,
We can be the loving family we always needed.
Shorter ritual for offering and one without
This short ritual can be used for any of the Queer Ancestors. Switch out a few words to your hearts content.
Here to my Queer relatives a gift of family to share
Good health, good life and good wishes to you.
and
I wish my Queer relatives the sunniest and happiest of days. Good health, good life and good wishes to you.
To Legendary Queer activists who rose us up
Below is a ritual and ritual object to make. You can do this for any of the venerations here, but I wanted to show variety in each to help inspire you in your own rituals. You can copy this one, but if you want to be more advanced dig deep, ask spirits, and looks for the ingredients you feel work best. I did consult on this one below so mix of upg and some lore I know.
Items to have
Thyme for courage
Mint for warding
Lavender for inviting joy
Rose with thorns to protect what you love
You will tie together but not burn the above. I am taking inspiration from corn dollies on this one. You can plait or tie it together in any way or pattern you feel fits. However, a jar or bag will do if you cannot tie them together. I like the idea of it being fresh smelling and then letting it dry out on a wall or sitting on the altar. You can offer it in any location even their graveside or memorials. You can gift it to them or use the same herbs to protect your home.
Once made you can offer the following words
With words, actions and the stonewall brick,
You are our warriors who fight for our queer lives.
We love, we lay, we live for you.
For the sacrifices you made,
I gift you this Thyme for courage and strength in your fight.
I gift you this Mint to ward of the homophobic* dead.
I gift you this Lavender to sooth away stress and feel pleasure and delight.
I gift you this Rose with thorns to protect your love.
Thank you legendary warrior Queers of our ancestry,
Good life and afterlife to you.
For then, for now and forever we will continue to thrive
*You can shift this to queerphobic, transphobic, biphopic, lesphobic etc
The Queer Community as a whole throughout history
This is part poem part ritual. If you write your own try to blend in the ingredients you want to use and I always find it good form to include the four elements. I have performed this one for vigils. I felt shy about showing my full self this way and what the reaction could be. It was warm. When recording the ritual it took a few takes due to the wind during the poem that asks for the wind's kisses.
When I perform this ritual I feel a soft (soft as a feather) loving warmth in my chest and heart. Light and soft feeling of love and relief. Like my worries are lighter and the ritual space and after is a loving smile.
You can recite it with nothing but for me, it will help to have the following:
a bell (or tap a glass), to call their attention
thyme (supermarket will do or a drawing) earthy
some airflow (electric fan or paper fan or feather will do or air symbol ), airy
small candle (electric one or photo will do or symbol of fire), firey
a bowl of moon or salt water or wet cloth (tap water or symbol on paper will do) watery
The ritual's aim is to remind you and our Queer’s ancestors that we Belong and we are Loved. To uplift each other. Think of Queer ancestors throughout time feeling the same elemental forces you do as a bridge. Think about all the links that connect us no matter time or place. Then use that to channel love we know we needed during tough times.
It could be ancient it could be from the last few years. It’s a love letter to the Queer people throughout time who may have been left feeling they didn’t belong or were not loved. Note; 'above and below' doesn’t mean he’ll or heaven it just means everywhere. Thyme was used to invoke courage and bravery throughout history and to love our Queer selves openly or privately always took strength and courage. It’s also a herb of Venus so goes with the theme of love too.
Queer love from below and above.
Queer love from then to now.
We have always been here.
We belong to the everywhere.
We love and are loved.
Queer ancestors forever my beloved.
For all of us who exist throughout time,
Hear this chime and smell this thyme.
As I feel the winds kisses on my face telling me I am loved,
So did you in your time and place.
As I feel the warmth of this candle and see it’s light to show me love,
So you did you in your time and place.
As I feel the water cleanse my hand and wash away the hate so I can love,
So did you in your time and place.
As I feel the earth under my feet and feel it nurture my strength to protect my love,
As did you in your time and place.
Queer love from below and above.
Queer love from then to now.
We have always been here.
We belong to the everywhere.
We love and are loved.
Queer ancestors forever my beloved.
For all of us who exist throughout time.
Hear this chime and smell this thyme,
Know that you are still loved.
A kiss on each cheek one for luck and one as goodbye.
Other ways to connect. Reading about Queer History
Now that you have done some rituals to connect. It can really be a good time to start reading history books both ancient and modern history. To learn more about the lives of our Queer Ancestors, when they thrived, when they faced hardship. To take inspiration from their resilience and wisdom. Even the book 'Bad Gays' is a good critical look at those in our community who did harm to our community.
Look to people online and in your neighborhood and think about ways you can bring little or big joys to each others lives.
Books about LGBTQ History List Includes semi-autobiographical and fiction books
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